http://www.feedpublish.com/preview.php?id=11084 en-us Tue, 13 May 2008 19:52:08 CDT 5 270 141 http://www.feedpublish.com/preview.php?id=11084 http://www.marshapetriesue.com/images/MPSueNewLogo_W-Text.jpg http://www.feedpublish.com/rss.php?idlink=8471 MTE4NTg1ODAwMA==TElBUiwgTElBUiwgUEFOVFMgT04gRklSRTogU3BvdHRpbmcgRGlzaG9uZXN0eQ== Tue, 31 Jul 2007 00:00:00 CDT Since Magic Wands are out of fashion, and Fairy Dust really does not work, you must learn skills to quickly spot dishonesty and untruths. It would be great if the Pinocchio's nose really worked to let you know when people were telling untruths. Instead of running away from the situation screaming “Liar, liar. Pants on fire,” train yourself to use these seven keys for spotting untruths! Like inconsistencies in a story, behavior that's different from a person's norm, or too much detail in an explanation can be your tip off that a person is not being truthful. Key 1: Inconsistencies and Contradictions You are a smart person so look for inconsistencies in people's stories. Pay attention and really listen to what they are saying instead of planning what you are going to say. Hear their message and read between the lines. If you are in la-la land and only thinking of what you will contribute to the conversation, you will not hear these inconsistencies or contradictions. Pay attention! Key 2: Ask the Unexpected Approximately 4% of people are accomplished liars. They are well practiced and do it very well. Here is the deal. Watch or listen to them VERY CAREFULLY. Devise a question they are not ready to answer to trip them up. And consider asking them the same question twice, just positioned a bit differently. Key 3: Gauge Against a Baseline If you know this person is generally faster paced and all of a sudden their pace becomes noticeably slow – red flag! If they are bottom line oriented, and they begin giving too much detail – red flag. Too much detail could mean they've put a lot of thought into how they're going to get out of a situation and they've constructed a complicated lie as a solution. Use the knowledge you already have as a baseline! Key 4: Check animation and emotion If their gesturing and facial animation changes, beware. If something is being discussed and they usually don't care but now they do, beware! Watch their smile and check for sincerity. This is a difficult emotion to fake so keep a check on it! These fake emotions are a good indicator that something has gone afoul. Key 5: Pay attention to your intuition Gut reaction is a culmination of all your experiences, perceptions and events so listen to it! These are deviations of true emotions. You are one smart cookie so listen to what you are being told by your experience! Key 6: Feeling Uneasy Lack of eye contact, incongruent gestures with their conversation and giddiness are traits to watch for that can make us feel uneasy. If they are sweating, looking away or they look uneasy they may be anxious because of telling untruths. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. Will Rogers Key 7: Don't become too suspicious Some people, just because of their behavioral pattern, can be telling the truth but perceived as lying. So beware and be careful not to prejudge people just because your perception of the situation. Bonus Tip: You need to be trustworthy! You choose how you interact. Stop stretching the truth, telling white lies and otherwise not coming clean. Be honest and be yourself. Love who you have become and this will be simple. We have choices about which stance we take in life. Wonder why your kids lie or other people around you fib? Probably because they are modeling behavior they have seen from adults and that is not necessarily you. Television, radio, Hollywood stars, and Professional athletes get away with lying every day! “Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, "Lillian, you should have remained a virgin." Lillian Carter (mother of 39th President, Jimmy Carter) Take a trusting stance, and life will be a lot more pleasant but sometimes we are going to be taken in. As a professional, parent or a friend, you're much better off being trusting rather than looking over your shoulder for lies all the time. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Please feel free to use this article or any other article from the website in your newsletter or e-zine (electronic magazine). We just ask that you include our contact information. Go to www.MarshaPetriesSue.com Book Marsha, the Decontaminator of Toxic People, to ignite your next meeting or event! 1.866.661.8756 for booking information or email at Marsha@MarshaPetrieSue.com. ]]> http://www.feedpublish.com/rss.php?idlink=8470 MTE4NTg1ODAwMA==RGVhbGluZyB3aXRoIERpZmZpY3VsdCBQZW9wbGUgLSB0aGUgZ29vZCwgdGhlIGJhZCwgYW5kIHRoZSB0b3hpYw== Tue, 31 Jul 2007 00:00:00 CDT Success can be doomed because you believe the communication sent to you by naysayers and difficult people. In your day-to-day business communication, has someone said to you, “You're going to apply for what? Why? You're not smart enough!” Difficult people may say to you “Are you sure you could handle that?” or “But classes in a community college are basically like high school classes, right?” Or how about “Why are you going to risk failure again? Remember what happened last time.” Your reaction to the mental hold up can strip you of your will to take a chance. The problem? YOU BELIEVE the messages from the good, the bad, and the toxic! These energy vampires create mental muggings and create analysis paralysis and worse -- not being able to take risk and move forward. Here is some business relationship advice. Start polishing your listening skills and interpersonal communications. Managing difficult people will give you immediate results by improving business relationships. Fight back on these intellectual raids. If you really want to achieve the success you deserve, you must strap on your mental flak jacket and block out difficult people's debilitating words. If you are saying to yourself, “Oh people really don't mean it,” good -- just as long as you don't pay attention to harmful messages, even subconsciously. And some difficult people are very subtle! You must take control and remind yourself of what it takes to beef up your psychological security. You must constantly target what is real and true about your capabilities. When you are being mentally mugged by the toxic types, your self-confidence is in harms way. Here are weapons that help you take aim: • Relive a confident moment. Dig back in your memory bank and recapture an event when you delivered the kind of success you want. Remember as much detail as you can. It's true – you become what you think about. • Stop “awfulizing.” You must train yourself to put on the brakes when your thinking wanders to a devastating event. Every time you relive a mental mugging, it seems just a little bit worse and becomes an even more awful event. Get a good weapon to take out the mental terrorists. • Put on your rational fighting gloves. Over learn a positive quote, saying, or mantra to replace the negativity. Try this one: “No matter what you say or do to me, I'm still a worthwhile person.” Use the broken record technique by saying it repeatedly to yourself. • Arrest the mental muggers in your life and send them off to solitary confinement. Enlist people that are supportive of you. Welcome people that will keep you realistic and focused on strengths while keeping you grounded in reality. And listen to them. Continue to learn as much as you can! • Learn to stand up for your rights. When you are given objective criticism, don't take it as a mugging. Question the input (and that's all it is – input). Your perception makes it a mental mugging. Store these words so you can use them quickly, “You may be right, help me understand where you're coming from.” Remember the old childhood rhyme of “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but names will never hurt me?” You are the one that perceives what the words actually mean, not someone else. This one of the reasons you must train yourself and your work group to be better at handling difficult people in the workplace. Your definition of who you have become is your doing and should not be tainted by difficult people. Self-confidence is self-awareness of your strengths and weaknesses. Fight back and stop mental muggings today! You probably already know that ambition, tenacity, open mindedness, realism, and life long learning are five of the most important strengths needed to reach the level of success you want. But the one most important aspect in supporting any of these is self-confidence. If you let anyone mentally mug you, you will be down for the count. You can learn to have the tools to fight off the difficult people in your life – even the good, the bad, and the ugly! Email Marsha for your copy of the Ten Commandments of Cooperation. - please visit www.MarshaPetriesSue.com or email at Marsha@MarshaPetrieSue.com Please feel free to use this article or any other article from the website in your newsletter or e-zine (electronic magazine). We just ask that you include our contact information. Go to www.MarshaPetriesSue.com Book Marsha, the Decontaminator of Toxic People, to ignite your next meeting or event! 1.866.661.8756 for booking information or email at Marsha@MarshaPetrieSue.com. ]]>